Introduction — Purpose & Promise
A Message for Struggling Marriages
Is your marriage in trouble? Are you feeling stuck or hopeless? This teaching is for you.
Jimmy Evans offers a clear and powerful message. He speaks directly to couples who are hurting. His goal is simple: to show you that your marriage can succeed.
The Core Promise
Here is the central truth of this teaching:
You have a 100 percent chance of success in marriage when you do it God's way.
This is not empty hope. It is a promise based on Biblical truth. When you follow God's plan, your marriage can thrive.
The Success Formula
Jimmy Evans presents a simple formula:
Realistic expectations + Biblical relationship skills = Guaranteed success
This formula works. It has helped thousands of couples. It can help you too.
Many marriages fail because of wrong expectations. Others fail because couples lack the right skills. But when you combine realistic views with God's wisdom, everything changes.
What to Expect
This teaching starts with Luke 14. Jesus taught about counting the cost. This lesson applies to marriage too.
You need to prepare your heart and mind. Marriage requires sacrifice. It demands commitment. But the reward is worth it.
Jimmy Evans will help you:
- Reset your expectations
- Learn Biblical relationship skills
- Build a foundation that lasts
- Find hope when things are hard
A Pastoral Approach
This teaching is frank and honest. Jimmy Evans does not sugarcoat the truth. Marriage is hard work. But he also offers deep compassion and practical help.
His approach is faith-centered. He believes God has a plan for your marriage. No matter how bad things seem, there is hope.
Why This Matters
Many couples give up too soon. They think their problems are too big. They believe divorce is the only answer.
But there is another way. When you commit to doing marriage God's way, you open the door to healing and restoration.
This teaching will challenge you. It will also encourage you. Most importantly, it will give you tools that work.
The Healing Power of Commitment
As a husband or wife, you have power. You can help heal your spouse. You can make things better.
Sometimes your partner just needs encouragement. Sometimes they need you to listen. Sometimes they need prayer.
When you approach marriage with the right heart, you become an instrument of healing. God works through your love and commitment.
Get Ready to Learn
This is the beginning of a journey. The pages that follow will give you practical steps. You will learn about covenant versus contract. You will discover how to set realistic expectations.
Most importantly, you will learn that success is possible. Not just possible—guaranteed, when you follow God's design.
Your marriage can be strong. Your relationship can be healthy. It starts here, with the right foundation and the right promise.
Count the Cost — Luke 14 & Expectations
What Jesus Meant by "Count the Cost"
Jesus had a large crowd following him. He could have made big promises. He could have told them how easy life would be.
But he did the opposite.
Jesus turned to the crowd and gave them a reality check. He wanted them to think carefully before committing to follow him.
This is Luke 14, starting at verse 25:
You better count the cost if you're going to follow me... listen it's going to cost you every single thing you have.
Jesus said they needed to hate their father and mother, wife and children. He was not telling people to hate their families. He was using strong words to make a point.
Jesus will not compete with anyone else in your life. If you hold other relationships as highly as your relationship with him, you cannot be a good disciple.
He also said you must bear your cross. The cross was a Roman tool of death. It was the most painful death on earth. Jesus was saying that following him would be painful and costly.
Why Jesus Thinned Out the Crowd
The devil over-promises and under-delivers. He tells you how wonderful everything will be. Then he breaks your heart.
Jesus does the opposite. He tells you the truth up front. He wants you to count the cost before you start.
Jesus wanted people to strap their brains on straight. He did not want wimps. He did not want people who would complain later.
No one in Jesus' camp ever dies of a broken heart. Why? Because they counted the cost at the beginning.
How This Applies to Marriage
Marriage works the same way. You need to count the cost before you say "I do."
When you get married, you say vows. You promise to stay together for better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health.
These vows prepare you for reality. They help you get ready for hard times. Because hard times will come.
Many couples say these words without really thinking about them. They think, "It won't happen to us." But it will.
This is not negative thinking. It is honest thinking. You need to get ready.
The Three Unchangeable Realities of Marriage
If you want to succeed in marriage, you must understand three unchangeable realities.
Reality #1: Everyone Has Baggage
We all have hurts from our past. We all have quirks in our personalities. We all have ignorance about the opposite sex.
Only marriage will cure these things. And it will take a while.
Many single Christian women are not looking for a husband. They are looking for Jesus Junior. Many single Christian men are not looking for a wife. They are looking for a Spirit-filled perfect woman.
These people do not exist. We are all more messed up than we want to admit.
Reality #2: Marriage Is a Healing Journey
The good news is that marriage can heal you. When you enter marriage properly, your spouse can help heal your wounds.
Every man can heal his wife. Every woman can heal her husband.
You get married and you see your spouse's problems. You see all their flaws. You might get turned off. But this is actually your opportunity to help them heal.
Ephesians 5 tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. To nourish and cherish her. Christ washes us with his word. He sacrifices for us.
Most women's deepest wounds come from feeling insignificant. From feeling vulnerable and abused. From not feeling valued.
When a husband nourishes and cherishes his wife, he heals these wounds. He makes her feel valued and safe.
The word "nourish" means to feed to maturity. The word "cherish" means to keep warm and protect.
When husbands take their role seriously, they become instruments of healing. The same is true for wives.
Reality #3: Marriage Requires Sacrifice
Marriage is not a contract. It is a covenant.
The word "covenant" means "to cut." You cannot make a covenant. You have to cut a covenant. If there is no blood, there is no covenant.
God made Eve from Adam's rib. He cut Adam. He could have made Eve from dust, just like he made Adam. But he cut Adam because marriage is a covenant.
A covenant is a sacrificial, permanent relationship. It is not a relationship of convenience. It is a relationship of sacrifice.
In a covenant, you surrender your rights and assume responsibilities. In a contract, you protect your rights and limit your responsibilities.
America has turned marriage from a covenant into a contract. This is why so many marriages fail.
Jesus said, "This is the new covenant in my blood." We have a permanent relationship with Jesus because of the price he paid.
In relationships, you get what you pay for. If you want something quick and easy, it is worth what you paid for it. But if you want a covenant, it will last you the rest of your life.
How Unrealistic Expectations Cause Disappointment
Many people enter marriage with false expectations. They think marriage will be easy. They think their spouse will be perfect.
These expectations set you up for failure. When reality hits, you feel disappointed. You feel cheated.
But the problem is not your spouse. The problem is your expectations.
When you count the cost up front, you prepare yourself. You know there will be challenges. You know there will be pain. You are ready for it.
This does not mean you expect the worst. It means you expect reality. And you commit to staying no matter what.
Questions Couples Should Answer Before Marriage
Before you get married, you need to count the cost. Here are some questions to ask:
Financial Questions:
- How will we handle money?
- Do we have debt?
- What are our financial goals?
Family Questions:
- What wounds do we carry from our families?
- How will we handle holidays and in-laws?
- What family patterns do we want to break?
Spiritual Questions:
- Are we both committed to following Jesus?
- Will we pray together?
- How will we handle spiritual differences?
Relationship Questions:
- What are our quirks and flaws?
- How will we handle conflict?
- Are we willing to sacrifice for each other?
These questions help you count the cost. They prepare you for reality.
The Path to Success
Remember the formula for success:
Realistic expectations + Biblical relationship skills = Guaranteed success
When you have the right expectations, you set yourself up to win. When you add Biblical relationship skills, success is guaranteed.
You have a 100 percent chance of success when you do marriage God's way.
This does not mean marriage will be easy. It means you will make it through the hard times. Your commitment will carry you.
Getting Your Expectations Right
Jesus did not want followers who would quit when things got hard. He wanted people who counted the cost up front.
The same is true for marriage. Do not enter marriage with pie-in-the-sky fantasies. Enter with your eyes wide open.
Acknowledge that marriage will demand sacrifice. It will require endurance. It will test you.
But also know this: the reward is worth it. A covenant marriage brings deep joy and security. It brings healing and growth.
When you unpack your bags in a covenant relationship, you are safe. You know your spouse is committed no matter what.
The Reality of Covenant Marriage
In covenant marriage, there is no end point except death. This might sound scary. But it is actually freeing.
You do not have to worry about your spouse leaving. You do not have to perform to keep them. You can be yourself, flaws and all.
This safety allows you to heal. It allows you to grow. It allows you to become the person God created you to be.
Your spouse becomes your partner in this journey. Together, you help each other mature.
Moving Forward
Count the cost today. Be honest about what marriage requires. Acknowledge the sacrifice involved.
Then commit anyway. Commit to doing marriage God's way. Commit to staying no matter what.
When you do this, you set yourself up for guaranteed success. Not because marriage is easy, but because you are prepared for reality.
You are ready to bear your cross. You are ready to sacrifice. You are ready to love your spouse the way Christ loves the church.
This is the path to a great marriage. It starts with counting the cost.
The Biblical Roots of Covenant Marriage
Marriage is not a contract. It is a covenant.
This is one of the most important truths you need to understand. The difference between a covenant and a contract changes everything.
What Does Covenant Mean?
The word "covenant" means "to cut." You cannot make a covenant. You have to cut a covenant.
If there is no blood, there is no covenant.
This is why God made Eve from Adam's rib. He cut Adam. He could have made Eve from dust, just like he made Adam. But he cut Adam because marriage is a covenant.
A covenant is a sacrificial, permanent relationship. It is not a relationship of convenience. It is a relationship of sacrifice.
Covenant vs Contract: The Core Difference
Here is the key difference:
In a covenant I surrender my rights and assume responsibilities; in a contract I protect my rights and limit my responsibilities.
In a contract:
- You protect your rights
- You limit your responsibilities
- You look for ways out
- You focus on what you get
In a covenant:
- You surrender your rights
- You assume responsibilities
- You commit for life
- You focus on what you give
America has turned marriage from a covenant into a contract. This is why so many marriages fail.
Jesus and the New Covenant
Jesus said, "This is the new covenant in my blood."
We have a permanent relationship with Jesus because of the price he paid. He shed his blood for us. He sacrificed everything.
Marriage mirrors this same sacrificial commitment. When you enter a covenant marriage, you are making a blood commitment. You are saying, "I will pay the price. I will sacrifice for you."
Why Modern Culture Treats Marriage Like a Contract
Our culture has a consumer mentality. We apply this mentality to everything—including marriage.
The Consumer vs the Gardener
Think about the difference between a consumer and a gardener.
The Consumer:
A consumer buys a tree and plants it. He walks out one day and sees the tree is sick. He says, "I've got a bad tree. I need to replace it."
The Gardener:
A gardener buys a tree and plants it. He walks out one day and sees the tree is sick. He says, "I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm not fertilizing it right. Maybe I'm not pruning it right. I need to do something to help this tree."
Most people approach marriage like consumers. When they see problems, they want to replace their spouse.
But successful marriages require a gardener mentality. When you see problems, you ask, "What can I do to help? How can I make things better?"
The Danger of the Consumer Mentality
When you have a consumer mentality, you are vulnerable to lies.
Many young husbands and wives think they made a mistake. They look at their spouse's flaws and think, "I should have married someone else."
This is a dangerous lie. It opens the door to disappointment and even divorce.
In relationships, you get what you pay for. If you want something quick and easy, it is worth what you paid for it. But if you want a covenant, it will last you the rest of your life.
How to Move from a Consumer Mentality to a Covenant Mindset
The shift from consumer to gardener changes everything. Here is how to make that shift.
Step 1: Accept That Everyone Has Baggage
We all have issues. We all have flaws. We all have wounds from our past.
Your spouse is not perfect. You are not perfect either.
When you get married, you are not signing up for perfection. You are signing up to deal with each other's issues.
The wedding is not an operating room that fixes everything. It is the registration desk for the marriage hospital.
Step 2: See Your Spouse as Your Partner in Healing
Every woman has what her husband needs. Every husband has what his wife needs.
Women are called the same thing in the Bible as the Holy Spirit: helper.
God said in Genesis 2, "It's not good that man is alone. I'm going to make him a helper."
The Hebrew word is "ezer." It means two things:
- The power to accomplish a task
- To fill in what's missing
Your spouse is designed to fill in your gaps. You are designed to fill in theirs.
Step 3: Take Responsibility for Healing
Ephesians 5 tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. To nourish and cherish her.
The word "nourish" means to feed to maturity. The word "cherish" means to keep warm and protect.
When husbands take this role seriously, they become instruments of healing. The same is true for wives.
Most women's deepest wounds come from feeling insignificant. From feeling vulnerable and abused. From not feeling valued.
When a husband nourishes and cherishes his wife, he heals these wounds. He makes her feel valued and safe.
Step 4: Ask, "What Can I Do to Help?"
When you see your spouse struggling, do not think about replacing them. Think about helping them.
Ask yourself:
- Does my spouse need encouragement?
- Does my spouse need me to listen?
- Does my spouse need me to pray?
- What can I do to make things better?
This is the gardener mentality. This is covenant thinking.
The Practical Power of Covenant Language
The way you think about marriage shapes the way you act in marriage.
Contract Language vs Covenant Language
Contract language says:
- "I deserve better."
- "This isn't working for me."
- "I need to protect myself."
- "What am I getting out of this?"
Covenant language says:
- "I commit to you no matter what."
- "How can I serve you?"
- "I will sacrifice for you."
- "What can I give to make this better?"
When you use covenant language, you change your expectations. You stop looking for an exit. You start looking for solutions.
The Wedding Is Just the Beginning
Many people think the wedding fixes everything. They think marriage will be easy after they say "I do."
But the wedding is just the registration desk. The real work begins after the wedding.
You will have to deal with each other's issues. You will have to grow together. You will have to sacrifice.
This is not a bad thing. This is the path to deep intimacy and lasting joy.
The Safety of Covenant Marriage
When you unpack your bags in a covenant relationship, you are safe. You know your spouse is committed no matter what.
There is no end point except death. This might sound scary. But it is actually freeing.
You do not have to worry about your spouse leaving. You do not have to perform to keep them. You can be yourself, flaws and all.
This safety allows you to heal. It allows you to grow. It allows you to become the person God created you to be.
Avoiding the Lies of the Enemy
The devil wants you to believe you made a mistake. He wants you to believe your spouse is the problem.
But this is a lie. The problem is not your spouse. The problem is your consumer mentality.
When you shift to a covenant mindset, everything changes. You stop looking for a way out. You start looking for a way through.
You stop asking, "Did I marry the right person?" You start asking, "How can I be the right person for my spouse?"
The Reward of Covenant Marriage
Covenant marriage is hard work. It requires sacrifice. It requires endurance.
But the reward is worth it.
When you commit to covenant marriage, you experience:
- Deep intimacy
- Lasting security
- Mutual healing
- Spiritual growth
- True partnership
You become instruments of healing for each other. You help each other mature. You fill in each other's gaps.
This is God's design for marriage. This is the path to guaranteed success.
Moving Forward with Covenant Commitment
Today, make the shift from contract to covenant.
Stop thinking like a consumer. Start thinking like a gardener.
When you see your spouse's flaws, do not think about replacing them. Think about helping them.
Surrender your rights. Assume your responsibilities. Commit to sacrifice.
This is the way of covenant. This is the way of Christ. This is the way to a great marriage.
Practical Steps — Healing, Reality Weddings & 'Reality Vows'
Three Unchangeable Realities of Marriage
Understanding these three truths will help you build a strong marriage. They prepare you for what is coming.
Reality #1: Everyone Carries Past Hurts, Personality Quirks, and Ignorance About the Opposite Sex
We all have baggage. We all have wounds from our past. We all have quirks in our personalities. We all have ignorance about the opposite sex.
Marriage is often the place where those wounds surface. This is normal. This is expected.
The wedding is not an operating room that fixes everything. It is the registration desk for the marriage hospital.
Reality #2: Marriage, When Entered Into Properly, Can Be a Healing Journey
Here is the good news: spouses can help each other grow and mature.
Every woman has what her husband needs. Every husband has what his wife needs.
When I see Karen struggling... my thought is what can I do to make her better.
You have the anointing to heal your spouse. Your spouse has the anointing to heal you.
The difference between a struggling marriage and a thriving marriage is this: instead of standing and judging and rejecting each other for your struggles, you come together and help each other out.
That is why God created marriage.
Reality #3: Without Realistic Expectations and Commitment, Every Significant Problem Threatens the Marriage
The number one reason for divorce is disappointment.
You get married with pie-in-the-sky eyes. Happily ever after. Married my soul mate. Then reality hits.
When you do not have realistic expectations, every problem feels like a deal breaker. Every disappointment threatens the marriage.
But when you count the cost up front, you are prepared. You know there will be challenges. You are ready for them.
Gardener vs Consumer: Choose Your Approach
The way you think about marriage shapes the way you act in marriage.
The Consumer Approach
A consumer buys a tree and plants it. He walks out one day and sees the tree is sick. He says, "I've got a bad tree. I need to replace it."
This is how many people approach marriage. When they see problems, they want to replace their spouse.
The Gardener Approach
A gardener buys a tree and plants it. He walks out one day and sees the tree is sick. He says, "I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm not fertilizing it right. Maybe I'm not pruning it right. I need to do something to help this tree."
This is the right approach to marriage. When you see problems, you ask, "What can I do to help? How can I make things better?"
Choose to Be a Gardener
A gardener nurtures. A gardener diagnoses problems. A gardener invests rather than replaces.
Choose the gardener approach in marriage. When you see your spouse struggling, do not think about replacing them. Think about helping them.
Reality Wedding Proposal: Pre-Marital Counseling to Reveal Family Patterns
Weddings can set us up for problems. They are too nice. We dress up and deceive each other about how messed up we really are.
Here is a better idea: reality weddings.
The Purpose of Pre-Marital Counseling
Every couple should go through counseling before they get married. But the purpose is not to fix you. You are too messed up to fix in a few sessions.
The purpose of pre-marital counseling is to figure out how messed up you are. To reveal family patterns. To help you understand what you are getting into.
Reality Wedding Example
In a reality wedding, you dress according to your family background.
If the groom comes from an emotional war zone, he dresses up in a military outfit. We rip it up, bloody it up, bandage him up. His family sits around him. She needs to know what she is getting into.
If the bride comes from an emotional train wreck, she does not wear a wedding gown. She wears a hospital gown. She does not have a veil. She has bandages. Her father walks her down the aisle. She pushes an IV with her other arm. Her family sits on hospital beds down front, moaning. He needs to know what he is getting into.
This is reality. This is honesty.
Reality Vows: Sample Vows That Honestly Name Sickness, Disappointment, and Lifelong Work
If you are going to dress up and deceive each other, at least say some reality vows. Say it right.
Here are sample reality vows:
Reality Vows:
"I do solemnly swear to take you as my lifelong patient, to bandage and to medicate you, so long as we both shall live.
I will love you for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, or in sickness, or in sickness—because you're one sick puppy, and I don't see you getting well anytime soon, though I'm hoping for some improvement today.
I realize that the pretty clothes you're wearing here on our wedding day are rented and will be returned. You will probably never look this good again. We're taking so many pictures to preserve this rare moment.
I also understand that reality is waiting for me at our hotel room, where tomorrow your morning breath will announce the dawn of our lifelong journey together, and the harsh morning light will reveal the real you.
In spite of all this, I love you with all my heart and wholly commit myself to this marriage until death do us part, so help me God—because I'll need all the help I can get."
These vows prepare you for reality. They help you count the cost. They set realistic expectations.
Action Checklist for Couples: Pre-Marital Counseling, Healing, and Commitment
Here is your practical checklist for building a strong marriage:
☐ Get Pre-Marital Counseling Focused on Patterns, Not Perfection
Find a counselor who will help you understand your family patterns. Do not look for someone to fix you. Look for someone to help you see what you are bringing into the marriage.
Ask questions like:
- What wounds do we carry from our families?
- What patterns do we want to break?
- How did our parents handle conflict?
- What are our quirks and flaws?
☐ Inventory Personal Hurts and Communicate Them Honestly
Make a list of your past hurts. Share them with your spouse. Be honest about your wounds.
This is not easy. But it is necessary. Your spouse cannot help heal you if they do not know where you are hurting.
☐ Commit to "Gardener" Posture: Diagnose, Nurture, and Invest Rather Than Replace
When you see your spouse struggling, do not think about replacing them. Think about helping them.
Ask yourself:
- Does my spouse need encouragement?
- Does my spouse need me to listen?
- Does my spouse need me to pray?
- What can I do to make things better?
This is the gardener mentality. This is covenant thinking.
☐ Adopt Concrete Practices: Regular Prayer Together, Encouragement, Sacrificial Cherishing
Build habits that strengthen your marriage:
Pray together regularly. This connects you spiritually. It reminds you that God is the center of your marriage.
Encourage each other daily. Look for ways to build your spouse up. Speak words of affirmation.
Practice sacrificial cherishing. Ephesians 5 tells husbands to nourish and cherish their wives. The word "nourish" means to feed to maturity. The word "cherish" means to keep warm and protect.
Wives, respect and support your husbands. Help them become the men God created them to be.
☐ Create Realistic Vows or Covenant Statements That Reflect Commitment Through Sickness, Disappointment, and Growth
Write your own reality vows. Be honest about what marriage will require.
Acknowledge that:
- You will face challenges
- You will see each other at your worst
- You will need to help each other heal
- You are committing for life, no matter what
These vows prepare you for reality. They set the right expectations.
Key SEO Phrases for Further Study
If you want to learn more, search for these topics:
- Pre-marital counseling checklist: Find resources to help you prepare for marriage.
- Healing in marriage: Learn how spouses can help each other heal from past wounds.
- Reality vows sample: Find examples of honest, realistic wedding vows.
- Gardener vs consumer marriage analogy: Understand the difference between nurturing and replacing.
The Importance of Realistic Expectations
The day you got saved, did all your problems go away? No. But you met your healer.
The same is true for marriage. There is no magic wand that makes all your problems go away. But when you enter into marriage properly, you meet your partner in healing.
You are going to have issues. But you are going to overcome. You are going to make it.
God puts you together. Your problems and your challenges are going to make you love each other more. They really are.
When you look at your spouse, see them as your healer. See them as your partner. See them as your soul mate.
You will go through hell together. But that will make you love each other even more.
Dealing with Reality
When you have the right thinking, you can deal with reality.
Without an understanding of reality and a strong commitment to the marriage, every significant problem threatens the marriage.
But when you count the cost, when you set realistic expectations, when you commit to the gardener approach, you are prepared.
You know there will be sickness. You know there will be disappointment. You know there will be lifelong work.
But you also know this: you are committed. You are in it for life. You will help each other heal.
This is the path to a great marriage.
Moving Forward with Practical Steps
Today, take action:
- Schedule pre-marital counseling if you are engaged. Focus on revealing patterns, not achieving perfection.
- Inventory your hurts and share them with your spouse. Be honest and vulnerable.
- Commit to the gardener posture. When you see problems, ask what you can do to help.
- Build daily habits of prayer, encouragement, and sacrificial love.
- Write realistic vows that reflect your commitment through sickness, disappointment, and growth.
These steps will prepare you for reality. They will help you build a marriage that lasts.
Remember: you have a 100 percent chance of success when you do marriage God's way.
Count the cost. Set realistic expectations. Commit to healing each other. Choose the gardener approach.
This is the path to guaranteed success.
Conclusion & Next Steps
Make the Decision Now
You have learned the truth about marriage. You have seen what it takes to succeed. Now it is time to act.
Make that decision right now.
Do not wait. Do not put this off. Count the cost today and commit to doing marriage God's way.
The Core Truth: Disappointment Destroys Marriages
The number one reason for divorce is disappointment.
When couples enter marriage with false expectations, they set themselves up for failure. Every problem feels like a deal breaker. Every challenge threatens the relationship.
But when you count the cost up front, everything changes. You prepare yourself for reality. You know there will be hard times. You are ready for them.
This is the difference between marriages that fail and marriages that thrive.
Your Path to Guaranteed Success
Remember the formula:
Realistic expectations + Biblical relationship skills = Guaranteed success
You have a 100 percent chance of success when you do marriage God's way.
This does not mean marriage will be easy. It means you will make it through the hard times. Your commitment will carry you.
Practical Next Steps
Here is what you need to do now:
1. Pursue Pre-Marital or Marriage Counseling
Find a counselor who will help you understand your family patterns. Do not look for someone to fix you. Look for someone to help you see what you are bringing into the marriage.
Focus on:
- Revealing family patterns
- Understanding past hurts
- Setting realistic expectations
- Building Biblical relationship skills
2. Adopt the Gardener Posture
When you see your spouse struggling, do not think about replacing them. Think about helping them.
Ask yourself:
- Does my spouse need encouragement?
- Does my spouse need me to listen?
- Does my spouse need me to pray?
- What can I do to make things better?
This is covenant thinking. This is the path to healing.
3. Use Reality-Focused Vows
Whether you are getting married or renewing your vows, be honest about what marriage requires.
Acknowledge that:
- You will face challenges
- You will see each other at your worst
- You will need to help each other heal
- You are committing for life, no matter what
These vows prepare you for reality. They set the right expectations.
4. Rely on Spiritual Practices
Build habits that strengthen your marriage:
Pray together regularly. This connects you spiritually. It reminds you that God is the center of your marriage.
Encourage each other daily. Look for ways to build your spouse up. Speak words of affirmation.
Practice sacrificial love. Ephesians 5 tells husbands to nourish and cherish their wives. Wives, respect and support your husbands.
These practices are not optional. They are essential for success.
Resources to Help You
Take advantage of these resources:
- Download a pre-marital checklist: Get a practical guide to help you prepare for marriage.
- Sign up for a couples devotional: Strengthen your spiritual connection with daily devotions designed for couples.
- Seek marriage coaching: Connect with a trained coach who can guide you through challenges and help you build a strong foundation.
These tools will equip you with the skills you need to succeed.
The Promise of Covenant Marriage
When you commit to covenant marriage, you experience:
- Deep intimacy
- Lasting security
- Mutual healing
- Spiritual growth
- True partnership
You become instruments of healing for each other. You help each other mature. You fill in each other's gaps.
This is God's design for marriage. This is the path to guaranteed success.
Stop Whining, Start Committing
Do not spend your marriage complaining about problems. Count the cost now. Make the decision now.
When you count the cost at the beginning, you prepare yourself. You know what is coming. You are ready for it.
No one in Jesus' camp ever dies of a broken heart. Why? Because they counted the cost at the beginning.
The same is true for marriage. When you count the cost up front, you protect your heart. You set yourself up to win.
Your Marriage Can Succeed
No matter how bad things seem, there is hope. When you commit to doing marriage God's way, you open the door to healing and restoration.
You have the power to heal your spouse. Your spouse has the power to heal you.
Together, you can overcome every challenge. Together, you can build a marriage that lasts.
The Choice Is Yours
You have learned the truth. You have seen the path. Now you must choose.
Will you count the cost? Will you commit to covenant marriage? Will you do marriage God's way?
The decision is yours. Make it now.
Count the cost. Set realistic expectations. Commit to healing each other. Choose the gardener approach. Rely on spiritual practices.
This is the path to guaranteed success. This is the way to a great marriage.
Your marriage can thrive. It starts with a decision. Make that decision right now.